During the holiday season, many people wrestle with complicated feelings about relationships—absent, distant, antagonistic, or otherwise. Often, expectations (which we know can be a problem) simply don’t match reality.

As always, Jesus helps. Sometimes His help comes in unexpected ways.

Matthew 10 may not be very Christmassy, but it contains some of Jesus' clearest words on relationships I’ve returned to and shared again and again. Challenging our understanding of Christian love, Jesus gives a very different take on loyalty, family, conflict, and connection. Seeing relationships through His eyes grants game-changing perspective where there's pain. It has for me.

Although Matthew 10 describes Jesus’ initial deployment of the twelve apostles, it also foreshadows the Great Commission for all believers—echoed through the entire New Testament. If we are truly walking with Him, these words apply to us. And they bring both comfort and courage… and at times, a holy kind of conviction that stings, heals, and frees all at once.

There’s not much hidden meaning here. Jesus is plainspoken. But we rarely hear sermons on this chapter because the teaching is so countercultural and so far from the agreeable, cozy, conflict-free Jesus many people prefer.

WHEN LOVE LOOKS DIFFERENT

Yet in Matthew 10, Jesus invites us to rethink our entire understanding of love—especially His command to love God above all and to love one another rightly. It forces us to consider whether our view of “love” has drifted from God’s definition into something more sentimental, easier, and people-pleasing than obedience.

Jesus also redefines family based on spiritual rather than biological kinship, challenging some cherished notions we seldom address.

THE COST OF DISCIPLESHIP

Following Jesus will cost us something. Many people assume Jesus’ directives were only for the original twelve, or that they were meant as extreme exceptions. But these teachings appear again and again throughout the New Testament. They describe the normal life of a disciple. We are meant to be set apart...there's some (sometimes much) suffering and separation attached.

12 RELATIONAL REALITIES FROM MATTHEW 10:

1. Jesus equips those He sends to help others who seek Him. This commissioning applies to anyone who bears His name (v.1).

2. Not everyone will want what you offer in Christ—and that's okay. If they don’t receive your peace, take it with you and move on (vv.13–14).

3. God may place you in situations that feel hostile, uncomfortable, or unfair. But He promises to back you up, guide you, and give you the words you need (vv.16–20).

4. We are called to be both wise and pure at the same time. “Wise as serpents and harmless as doves” is Jesus’ relational strategy (v.16).

5. You may be disliked, resisted, spoken against, or worse, simply because you belong to Him. Don’t be surprised when it happens (v.22).

6. Following Jesus can cause division in families. Sometimes those closest to you will not understand, support, or bless your obedience (vv.21, 34–36).

7. God must come before every human relationship. Even the ones we consider sacred—parents, children, lifelong ties (v.37).

8. People-pleasing and fear of others distorts love and can dishonor God. Fearing God brings freedom, clarity, and courage (v.28).

9. Hiding your faith or shrinking back to keep peace has consequences. If we deny Him publicly, He will deny us before the Father (vv.32–33).

10. Simply being who you are in Christ may expose darkness without you trying.

Truth makes people uncomfortable—even when you’re not confronting them (vv.27, 34).

11. Those who welcome, honor, or support you because you belong to Him will be blessed. God sees how people treat His servants (vv.40–42).

12. Those who reject you because of Him are ultimately rejecting Him. And He—not you—will deal with that in His time (v.15).

MY PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE

Matthew 10 made so much sense of some struggles I've had, has helped me face painful rejections, loosen codependent attachments, and to walk away from toxic or superficial relationships—not out of resentment, but out of obedience. When I finally read this chapter at face value, it explained so much of the relational warfare I’ve experienced as I’ve grown closer to God.

Reflecting on Matthew 10 can offer comforting perspective in our pain.

The truth is: as your intimacy with Jesus increases, your circle often narrows. Some relationships will not survive your faith—no matter how much you may want them to.

PRACTICE

How might the relational challenges you’re facing today look different in the light of Matthew 10? Ask God what obedience looks like for you right now.

PRAYER

Lord Jesus, as we seek to love one another, help us never forget what it means to love You first. Where we’re facing confusion, persecution, rejection, conflict, or pain in relationships, open our eyes to see these situations in light of Your words. Give us courage, purity, and clarity. Strengthen us to respond with obedience, and comfort us with Your presence as we walk it out. We ask this in Your mighty name. Amen. 💖Thank You. I love You.

DIG DEEPER:

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