A Cheesy Confession

I love cheese. I have a few favorites, but I’m not too selective. I enjoy most cheeses enough that I don’t keep them around lest I gobble a whole 6,000-calorie wheel in one sitting. (AI TRIVIA: A 95-pound wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano could contain over 280,000 calories. Even I can’t eat that much cheese.)

I do have standards, however modest. I can keep American slices and Velveeta in the fridge without falling prey to my lusts. Shredded cheese? Pretty safe. I can’t exactly spoon it up without genuine concern for my wellness.

I also love pasta, spinach, ribeyes, fashion, writing, music, laughing, traveling. We all have things we love and crave—cheese, approval, comfort, love. But not all cravings are equal. Some feed us; others enslave us.

As Paul said, "Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? (Romans 6:16). Ouch.

In this piece, I want to explore the difference—between what we call love, and what Jesus meant when He said, “If you love me, obey my commandments."

Spoiler: Real love may not always feel good. But it’s the only thing that saves. It’s costly.

What Love is and Isn't

1. Love That Demands Everything

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Jesus, Matthew 10:37 (NIV)

Jesus didn’t mince words. Love for Him means putting Him first—above family, above comfort, above our very lives. This is not the soft, sentimental love we’ve come to expect from the world, but a costly allegiance. He says plainly: “Anyone who loves their life will lose it” (John 12:25). Mamma mia!

Speaking of Mamma, I love my kids deeply and would do just about anything for them. But even that love, as fierce and self-sacrificing as it can be, is only a shadow of God’s parental love. There are times I want to suspend mothering and go do my thing, but love isn’t about feeling—it’s about showing up. On good days and bad, when I want to and when I don't. This is what Christ asks of us: not just affection, but obedience. Not just words, but surrender.

2. What Love Is Not

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Jesus, John 12:25 (NIV)

My feelings for cheese, fashion, or even writing, are not true love. Oft quoted, 1 Corinthians 13 clarifies love’s cardinal features, lofty ideals. I excel at some and fall so short on others. Thank you, Jesus, for bridging the gap.

Distortions abound.

When I was a younger woman, suitors would often say, “I love you” very early in “courtship,” even before the fella knew me or experienced Isabella on a bad day. I was recently Facebook friended by a stranger, a dapper European man named, “I Love You.” I think not.

There's the tried, tired, and true example of the philandering spouse, who mouths love, but is a repeat offender who takes no action to amend. Not love. No siree. (BTW, I have no first-hand experience with this, but many parallel experiences.)

These “loves” are flattery, fantasy, or manipulation. I dismiss them because I’ve discerned and learned: Real love acts. Real love waits. Real love costs.

"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." Jesus, Matthew 15:8

If the words don’t align with the actions, believe the actions. (It’s in the book!)

My beloved, fragile mother loved my older brother so much she nearly destroyed everything to spare him consequences. But love without truth isn’t love. Shielding someone from the hard edges of life might look loving—but it can be lethal. My brother died of an overdose at 25.

I thank God that He doesn’t enable. He lets me feel the heat, so I’ll return to His shelter. Will I heed the heat?

God disciplines those He loves. I don't like it, but I know now it’s wise to receive it as lifesaving parental love.

3. Fake Love & Flimsy Gestures

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Jesus, John 14:23 (NIV)

Our culture throws around “love” like confetti. We say it in comments, sprinkle it on strangers, and slap it on Hallmark cards. But Jesus didn’t say, “If you love me, tell me so.” He said, “Obey.”

In fact, as loving as Jesus is, he didn’t say “I love you.” He said, "love as I have loved." A tall order indeed and not sappy at all.

The world gaslights with fake love. Some “I love yous” feel more like, “I’m supposed to love you, so here’s a decoy hug and warm words, while I imagine you overrun by hairy warts.”

Been there. Given those hugs. Received them too. That’s not love. That’s performance. That’s poison.

4. Love Doesn’t Dilute the Truth

“Faith without works is dead.” James 2:17 (NIV)

We want love to mean we’re off the hook. Some grace-loving Christians reduce obedience to a one-time prayer or feeling or an option when easy. But Jesus never did. He tied love to obedience—repeatedly.

The Holy Spirit enables that obedience, but we must exercise our free will along these lines. This is not about trying harder, but leaning harder on Him. As Paul outlines in Galatians 5 or Romans 1, when we ignore conviction, we reap chaos. We push through the warnings, override our conscience, and spiral. That’s not freedom—it’s self-destruction.

Confession and repentance are not old-fashioned—they’re life-saving.

Here again, the powerful simplicity of the Twelve Steps captures something often forgotten in the modern Christian church.

Step 10 calls for continuous self examination, repentance, confession, and dependence without morbid navel-gazing. Thank goodness it isn’t self-improvement. It’s ongoing surrender, humble dependence, “asking God to remove our sin,” and then proceeding as though we mean it, in awestruck gratitude for the cross.

SIGNIFICANT SIDEBAR: Please, please, please hold your horses before you start prepping the gallows for yourself or others. Don’t just highlight the sex antics for instance, in Galatians 5 or Romans 1. Reality check your own sin that “deserves death” (v.26) reading the greed, gossip, division, envy, anger, selfish ambition that all make the list!

5. Love Isn’t a Get-Out-of-Jail Card

“By their fruit you will recognize them.” Jesus, Matthew 7:16 (NIV)

There’s an infamous celebrity in the news right now. A woman who loved him publicly testified how she endured and enabled his heinous abuse for years. Out of “love,” she submitted to the cruelty he invoked for “love” and protected him from consequences. But that’s not love. That’s complicity. And while he may be a monster, she wasn’t just a victim. I say this not to condemn her—but because I recognize myself in her story. I've traded truth for comfort, God’s guidance for earthly security.

Truth sets us free!

I’ve compromised, and it cost me. We’re all vulnerable to Stockholm Syndrome of the soul—held hostage by our idols, enabling others in theirs. The more sobering truth is that the perp is as much a hostage and she is. He slid down that slippery slope of money, power, and influence Jesus (and Bill Wilson) warned of that which makes idols out of idylls in no time flat.

God calls it idolatry.

6. Love Detoxes the Heart

“Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” – Philippians 2:12 (NIV)

I remember the withdrawal. Not just from cigarettes or vino—but from the high of approval, control, career prestige. Love of those things nearly broke me. Filling the void with pasta didn't work either. Seventy pounds later, I surrendered even that.

Self-denial and detox hurts. But it is holy pain. In that raw place, God met me. And meets me now. Jesus’ love isn’t warm fuzzy. It cost Him everything. And if we follow Him, it will cost us too. If we water it down, we gut the Gospel. We can’t minimize the sin that nailed Him to the cross—and call it love.

If we fail to respond to God's astounding love, undeterred from our wayward ways, reverential fear of Almighty God helps. This is often the catalyst for change and it's extremely uncomfortable. We can project this fear onto consequences, but surrender to a loving LORD remains the hopeful remedy. All this is God's love.

Jesus said his way is narrow and hard, a crucified life that doesn't indulge carnal cravings. Whether it's Pinot Grigio, Pop Tarts, or the other p-word.

Oh, my! Dear Lord, how?

7. Abiding Love is 24/7

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you…” Jesus, John 15:4 (NIV)

Twelve Step recovery calls it a “daily reprieve.” That phrase is gold. Our return to sanity and spiritual clarity is conditional—based on the maintenance of a conscious relationship with God. I know I’m prone to forget, to wander, to return to my pet idols. The cure is not a one-time prayer, but moment-by-moment surrender. Only when we’re filled with the Holy Spirit can we resist the gravitational pull of sin. That’s a One Day at a Time proposition.

Thankfully, there remains...

8. The Good News: Love While We Were Yet Sinners

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)

That’s it. That’s the message. Not that we were lovable. Not that we deserved it. But that His love came for us anyway. Yes, our sin is real. Yes, our idols are costly. But the invitation remains open. Prodigals are welcomed home.

Confronted again with our lovelessness, we cry out to the One who loves us so much.

The remedy is also real: a bloody cross, an empty tomb, and a Spirit who helps us obey what we cannot on our own. We don’t try harder. We lean harder. We surrender. To love.

PRAYER:

Lord Jesus, Thank You for Your priceless love. Forgive us for the many ways we’ve forsaken our First Love—again and again. Help us to respond to Your lifesaving love not on our terms, but on Yours. Not with mere words, but with grateful action. Teach us to love You in return—with our whole hearts, whole lives, and willing obedience.

Amen.

ACTION:

Where might I be calling something “love” that isn't really love at all? Lord, help me to see—and surrender.

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