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Writer's pictureIsabella Campolattaro

Beware the Green-Eyed Monster



This fella is cuter and more comical than the real thing, which can wreck anything in its putrid glow.


The two are often used interchangeably but are slightly different. Simplified:


  • Jealousy – Is fear of losing something we have.

  • Envy – Is wanting something another has.


However you define them, they are both terribly toxic, whether they originate in you or in someone else. God calls it covetousness, the Tenth Commandment . The Apostle Paul (Romans 1:20-32) says they deserve death. Gulp. Indeed, the green-eyed monster is deadly. It will devour your joy, peace, and potential. Sometimes, jealousy can have us chasing somebody else's destiny rather than our own.


This is a monster you don’t want to feed. How to tame it?


From Within: True Confession

Early in my healing journey, there was this lady at my church….


  • She was perky and petite. I was a sullen seventy pounds overweight after I quit drinking and smoking.

  • She was madly in love with her handsome, adoring Prince Charming husband. Umm…Not.

  • She could delightfully entertain twelve squealing school kids without breaking a sweat or her high-beamed smile. I was struggling with one.

  • She’d guest blogged on a fancy website. I was just discovering my creative voice.


Plus, she was just as likable and sweet as could be.


I could and would smile back sincerely, but inside, I was hot faced with humiliation and envy I knew was wrong and felt lousy. The green-eyed monster about ate me alive for months, but I prayed and worked through it. God kindly opened my eyes:


  • I could and would start Weight Watchers and walking, then running, on the treadmill. I lost the seventy pounds and felt great about myself. Still, I don’t have the perky, petite gene. Can’t change that.

  • I admitted I’d made different romantic choices of my own accord. I eventually ended my marriage. Moreover, her beloved husband had a serious chronic illness that would consume him, an agony I would not want to witness or handle. Compassion helps!

  • I went back to school for my master’s degree and started writing and submitting more. Today I’ve contributed to nearly twenty books.

  • Eventually, I became the epicenter of fun mom, cheerfully entertaining carloads of kids effortlessly.


All this evolved from diligently seeking and trusting God, working on myself, and growing spiritually. I became more secure in my own identity to pursue my unique calling. We all have one that’s equally precious and purposeful. We can celebrate and support each other in becoming who God designed us to be.


Though it’s not one of my persistent defects, it still crops up every so often and I shut it down promptly so it doesn’t get a foothold.


The Fix

  1. Engage God to learn who He is, who you are, and what He created you to be. Ask Him for forgiveness and help.

  2. Own what you can change and change it.

  3. Be grateful for what you have.


I like how recovery programs shorthand it: Keep the honest focus on you, clean house, serve others, and ask God for help…continuously. Praying blessings on the triggering person is recommended.


One final priceless 12 Step Takeaway: Are you willing to do what they did to have what they have?



Frenemies From Without

Just writing “from without” makes my gut churn. As a long-suffering codependent with all the related insecurities, it took me much longer to see when people were jealous, which can swipe your joy, peace, and potential in more insidious and injurious ways. Suddenly, I’d feel like a bullied sixth grader. No need to stay there!


The worst variety of green goblins are frenemies, wolves in sheep’s clothing, inner circle people who may shower you with affection, but secretly, and unrepentantly, wish you ill. These can be bosses, colleagues, mentors, family, even moms.


Openly pistachio-tinted admiration is one thing, unchecked ego prevents frenemies from seeing their sin and owning it, so they double-up on devaluing you in their own minds and through others. Consciously or not, they don’t view themselves as equals so rather than supporting you and celebrating your victories, they erode you with subtle self-justification.


"A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones."
Proverbs 14:30

Narcissists are most treacherous, and they will maliciously poison you, sabotage you, and employ others to do it, remorselessly.


The easy not-so-easy remedy is to forgive and flee…or limit contact and confidences if they’re unavoidable.


Jealousy and envy are profoundly destructive agents. Don’t let them rob you of the abundant, high impact life God promises.


God is willing and able to help us overcome our defects if we’re truly willing.


REMEMBER: The truth will set you free!


PRAYER:

God, thank you for who you made me to be. Help me maximize my unique gifts for your purposes, and to celebrate and support others. Please forgive me when I don’t trust you and your love. Help me discern those who are on my team and lovingly let go of the others. Amen! Thank you. I love you.


RESOURCE:

The YouVersion Bible app has hundreds of easy studies that target any defect or growth goal you can think of. Get to it, friend!



I'm very grateful for your support.

Every dime feels like love.

ZELLE: IsabellaCampolattaro



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