(+How to escape the game for good.)

I’m no chess master, but I know the basics. Most people don’t realize that pawns aren’t just tiny pieces on a board. They’re:

• the most abundant

• the least valued

• the first to take the hits

• the most easily sacrificed

• and the ones used to protect the power behind them

They’re the frontline for a reason. Pawns absorb damage so the “king” or “queen” never risks himself and can advance. In most games, a pawn is sacrificed long before any major piece even moves.

Sadly, this is exactly how narcissistic and spiritually toxic systems function. Whatever the setting, people often become pawns in someone else’s internal kingdom without even knowing they’ve been placed on the board.

Jesus and Paul both warned that these dynamics would escalate in the end times (Matthew 24; 2 Timothy 3). And indeed, both overt and covert narcissistic patterns are everywhere — especially in places where virtue, excellence, morality, spirituality, or righteousness can be exploited or weaponized.

The good news is that once you begin recognizing the tactics, you can step out of the game entirely.

Let’s name them.

21 TRADEMARKS & TACTICS NARCISSISTS USE TO RECRUIT, MANIPULATE, & DEPLOY PAWNS

(These aren't random flaws — they’re often spiritual and psychological weapons of attack.)

Money or greed, power or domination, sexual manipulation, grandiosity, compulsive addictions, envy, rivalry, and abuse of authority appear over and over again in Scripture as markers of moral corruption, spiritual blindness, and unchecked pride.

These traits destabilize, confuse, manipulate, seduce, and overpower others — and tragically, the individuals who use them often become pawns themselves of deception and darkness. Here are some common tactics:

1. Luring by love-bombing, flattery, favor, generosity, or spiritual incentives.

They lure you with attention, affirmation, or opportunity to create quick attachment and dependency.

2. Manufactured loyalty through obligation or indebtedness.

Every kindness eventually comes with strings designed to bind you to them or their agenda.

3. Fear-, guilt-, and pity-based influence.

They weaponize your compassion, your conscience, and your desire for peace and approval. Fear is a favorite tool.

4. Exploiting your gifts, strengths, and soft heart.

They rely on your reliability, empathy, or outstanding abilities they lack.

5. Targeting the innocent, the pure in heart, and the over-functioning.

People who believe the best are often the easiest to exploit. Survivors and codependents are common targets.

6. Jealousy, rivalry, and subtle competition.

They resent your strengths, mimic your style, or try to overshadow your accomplishments.

7. Gossip, whisper campaigns, and quiet character assassination.

They undermine you with half-truths, selective stories, and secondhand “concerns.” Likewise, they collect intel to use later. Your confused withdrawal support the lies.

8. Gaslighting and slow-drip undermining.

They distort conversations, deny reality, twist your words, and plant doubt in your perception. Think the serpent in Eden.

9. Image management, reputation armor, virtue-signaling.

The covert kind curate a polished persona of virtue, humility, spirituality, often with ethics, spiritual language, and grand acts of service to mask ambition or insecurity.

10. Triangulation and divided loyalties.

They create rivalry, suspicion, or silent competition where none existed.

11. Assigning roles without your say-so.

They cast you as confidante, fixer, admirer, or scapegoat to maintain control.

12. Using others to do their dirty work.

They avoid direct confrontation by recruiting proxies

13. Chaos-creation through mixed signals and shifting standards.

They keep you off balance through inconsistency and contradiction.

14. Isolation from healthy support systems.

They quietly separate you from people who might offer clarity, grounding, or support.

15. Projection of their own sins and motives onto you.

They accuse you of the very behaviors they are hiding.

16. Moral compromise through money, power, sexuality, or entitlement.

They use whatever leverage they have to manipulate outcomes, with little conscience or concern.

17. Grandiosity, entitlement, and delusional self-importance, often taking credit for others' efforts.

They exaggerate their gifting, calling, or intelligence.

18. Retaliation and smear campaigns when exposed.

Once you see the truth, they escalate to protect image and control, and are capable of great evil to exact revenge.

19. Chronic lying and reality-distortion as a way of life.

They lie even when the truth would serve them better; deception is their native language, employed by the “father of lies.”

20. DARVO and victim-flipping.

They deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender—recasting themselves as harmed and you as the threat. Prepare to be the villain in their narrative, even when the power disparities are extreme.

21. Perfectionistic with shifting, impossible standards.

They obsess over flawless performance and move the mark unpredictably, keeping you anxious and off-balance.

22. Weaponizing values, beliefs, or shared principles.

They cloak manipulation in the language of morality, unity, mission, or spirituality to override your instincts and legitimize control.

THE SPIRITUAL REALITY BEHIND THESE DYNAMICS

If this sounds grim, know that both Jesus and Paul remind us:

The person is not the real enemy. The spirit driving the behavior is.

This explains why:

• ordinary people can become agents of confusion

• “nice” or “godly” people can become instruments of division

• manipulation can masquerade as ministry

• the enemy disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14)

• sometimes, the perps seems genuinely clueless

When you become spiritually awake, you start seeing the game clearly. And once you refuse to play, their power collapses. You definitely upset the applecart.

LIBERATING & AFFIRMING INSIGHT

If you have lived this dynamic, you know it’s baffling and shattering.

Yet even in the midst of the agony, there’s empowering truth:

1.Your identity is in Christ.

No narrative, lie, or mistreatment overturns who you are unless you surrender to the bad guys.

2. You're in excellent company.

Jesus, Joseph, David, Jeremiah, and Paul all endured betrayal, slander,

injustice, and unhinged persecution. God calls us blessed and can use every morsel for the good if we hand it to him.

3. Persecution is evidence of purpose.

The enemy targets what threatens him — your voice, wisdom, purity, authenticity, influence, and talents. Brutal as it is, take the trials as a compliment.

4. Your trauma is your superpower.

It’s likely that you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse and many other trials since infancy. You may not wish it on anyone, but all of it can forge compassion, endurance, discernment, unmatched strength, and dependence on God alone.

5. Be your fabulous, favored self.

Don’t shrink. Don’t contort. Don’t act guilty. Walk confidently in who God created you to be who you are on purpose, for a purpose.

6. You can walk through fire and not smell like smoke.

Anchored in Christ, you come out refined, not ruined.

7. Innocence isn't stupidity.

My own shame at being mislead and mistreated magnified my pain. You weren’t naive — you just could imagine such shenanigans. Narcissists exploit what is pure, not what is foolish. And Jesus prizes qualities like childlike innocence, empathy, and earnestness.

8. Jesus has choice words for those who tolerate Jezebel and the likes.

Boundaries and walking away is wise obedience, not unforgiveness or lack of love.

9. Your people will stay…or may re/turn.

Those aligned with truth will remain. Some are bamboozled like you and may come to their senses, come clean, and repent. The rest were never meant for your destiny. Bless and release them.

10. Points on a continuum.

Narcissists and their prey are often formed by the same forces—including childhood trauma. This can elicit dangerous compassion that may have ensnared us but can also enable us to detach and forgive...from afar.

11. Jesus will expose and avenge.

You don’t need to chase rumors, clear your name, or avenge yourself. God promises to do all that. Let Him.

12. You have a choice.

Awareness gives you agency. Agency leads to freedom. Freedom leads to alignment and this leads to the most powerful reality of all:

EMPOWERING BULLETS ASIDE… HERE’S SOME HARD TRUTH:

1. Anyone can fall into these patterns.

We are all vulnerable to the intoxicants of money, power, admiration, and success which can test every human heart.

None of us are immune to pride, self-deception, or slow moral drift. Toxic self-delusion grips us gradually, like the proverbial frog in warm water. Even sincere, good-hearted people may recognize some of these traits in themselves on a non-malicious basis.

That’s not condemnation, that’s grace. The original sin was pride, and unless we stay humble through the ongoing practice of honest self-assessment and surrender, ego will eventually edge God out. Seeing it is mercy. Turning from it is freedom.

David was first vulnerable prey, then fell for his own press. Repentance realigns us all.

2. There is no idol without an idolater.

No narcissistic “king” or “queen” without someone handing them a throne. No abuser without someone—often unknowingly — giving them influence, authority, or emotional power.

This isn’t blame. This soul-honesty is the pathway to freedom. After all, we’re powerless over others. Owning our part empowers.

Whether we’ve played the predator, the prey, or a painful mix of both, the deeper reality is the same: Someone or something other than God has been functioning as our Higher Power. Sometimes it’s another person. Sometimes it’s validation or fear. Sometimes it’s material security, comfort, or being needed. Sometimes—and really always—it’s our own ego; again, Edging God Out. And when ego is in charge, bondage is inevitable.

All amounts to soul addictions that numb the pain and fill the void, eventually betraying us.

Humiliating? Always. Heartbreaking? Yes. But also freeing — the moment we can bear to face it.

Awareness is grace. Blindness is judgment—God gives eyes to the humble and allows the arrogant to stay blind because they refuse to see.

So if you see yourself here, don’t despair.

The common denominator for both the narcissist and their victim is fear, and that’s paradoxically where we can find freedom.

The love of God didn’t break this cycle for me. The fear of God did.

Jesus said:

It realigned me instantly and God to His rightful place as my Higher Power. The throne I had given to people, places, and things came crashing down — and the chains broke.

As always, there's...

GOOD NEWS

Whether you’ve been the pawn or the predator, the idolater or the idolized—God wants you free. Repentance is the key.

Everyone is eligible for deliverance and freedom. No one is too wounded, too deceived, too proud, or too far gone. God doesn’t desire that anyone perish—not even the narcissist.

Pride is what blocks repentance and the reconciliation we long for. But even when our will feels tangled in self-protection or fear, we can pray for willingness where our willfulness struggles to surrender.

PRAYER

God, search and show us where we’ve made an idol of anyone or anything — including ourselves. Guard us against enabling evil or succumbing to self-delusion. Break every unhealthy alignment. Heal every wound. Restore our clarity and authenticity, grounded in You. If our own ego has taken the driver’s seat, grant us the humility to repent, repair, and realign with You. Help us forgive ourselves and others, so we can be free. In Jesus’ name, Amen. Thank You. I love You. 💖

DIG DEEPER (Optional Scripture Study)

2 Timothy 3 • Romans 1 • John 8:44 • Ephesians 6 • Matthew 23 • Daniel 4 • Acts 9 • Genesis 3 • Proverbs 16 • James 1 • James 3 • Revelation 2 • Titus 3 • 1 Peter 5 • 1 John 3

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