My parents were extraordinary, brilliant, loving, and wise people—but they had some issues and were very self-consumed. This left me with an early void of healthy leadership that had real ramifications. At different times in my life, I have somewhat compulsively sought the counsel (or validation) of others—friends, mentors, bosses, sponsors, pastors. God says it’s wise to seek godly counsel and foolish to seek the counsel of scoffers, the proud, the wicked, the self-wise, or

During the holiday season, many people wrestle with complicated feelings about relationships—absent, distant, antagonistic, or otherwise. Often, expectations (which we know can be a problem) simply don’t match reality. As always, Jesus helps. Sometimes His help comes in unexpected ways. Matthew 10 may not be very Christmassy, but it contains some of Jesus' clearest words on relationships I’ve returned to and shared again and again. Challenging our understanding of Christian l

Bearing the Burden of Seeing Discernment is one of the most beautiful—and one of the most brutal—gifts God gives. It is a gift you want, because it brings clarity, protection, wisdom, truth, and spiritual sight. And it is the gift you don’t want, because once you see something, you cannot unsee it. Heavy. Discernment is both a light and a sword. A comfort and a burden. A gift and a responsibility. And if you’ve walked with this gift—especially since childhood—you already kno

Proverbs 31 is among the most quoted passages in Scripture, but its celebrity segment often upstages its powerful introduction. Most people associate Proverbs 31 with the idealized biblical wife described in verses 10–31. I have been, at turns, shamed, inspired, and affirmed by her standard. At first she seemed a lofty ideal I could never reach. Later she became a checklist for measuring progress. Eventually, more like her, I beamed at the affirmation that it was more than ok

What does unity have to do with repentance? As it turns out, a whole lot. Repentance acknowledges that we all fall short of the glory of God and need the Savior to rescue us from ourselves. We humans like to “sin score,” attributing points for this sin or that—usually making our own sin seem less grievous or offensive. And while there are some sins God highlights as compromising community more than others (1 Corinthians 5:10–13; Revelation 2–3), the fact is we all need Jesus

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (Ephesians 4:25, ESV) Brothers and sisters, please—let’s heed what God is saying here. There’s no way to make light of this. No Isabella wit to take the edge off. Forms of Falsehood Slander and reviling both appear on Paul’s short list of sins that warrant removal from Christian fellowship. And Jesus condemns hypocrisy and false teaching not only i

What I didn't share in this entry is the reason I rushed into marriage twenty-odd years ago is that back then, I couldn't bear to be alone for eleven minutes, I didn't know or love myself, and had a crippling fear of rejection of any kind. Do I need to tell anyone this is a lousy basis for good dating choices or a healthy, loving relationship? In the years since my divorce, I have indeed cherished my solitude, getting healthier, enjoying my kids, and getting more grounded in

This throw-back image is a little cringey for some of us, even though I loved the reruns. The adoring wife and kids gazing up at the affable, distinguished dad may be alien or even painful. That’s part of the problem with our expectations of dads, patriarchal systems, and to a degree, men in general. We idolize (rather than honor) mere humans, which is a bad idea. Whenever we idolize anyone, we saddle them with heavy loads and more power than anyone should have. Human idols c

I’m an avid runner, which is key to my mental health and the fight against middle-aged spread. A few years ago, I got a wicked case of plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of heel tissue that’s normally worse in the morning but often lessens as you walk it out. Not this time! I was in crippling pain and could barely walk let alone run. The doctor ixnayed overwearing my comfy flip-flops, which apparently destroyed my flat feet. I’ve learned the very hard way that what’s comfy, f

So, so, so very important! At least as important as forgiving others. Some of us are conditioned from childhood and groomed even by our faith to tolerate the intolerable, often silently, in a twisted misunderstanding of Christian teaching. Yes, we want to forgive this, too. Forgive yourself freely. There were reasons you did what you did, thought what you thought, and felt what you felt—or not. Or what you're doing, thinking, feeling, or not right now. In CoDA they say, if y

I pride myself on being a really skilled people-pleaser. Actually, that's a brazen lie. In my lifetime efforts of trying to please everyone, I seldom pleased anyone and when I did, it was usually at great personal expense. God feels strongly about this misguided practice, often a big issue for Christians because we tell ourselves pleasing others pleases God. Well, motives matter. The who, why, when, and how's of our people pleasing counts. In my own case, people pleasing was

SUBSCRIBER NOTE: I have been posting random thoughts on Facebook and Instagram , and then reposting them here when I get some time so, if you happen to follow me on social media, I know you're seeing them twice. If you don't follow me on social media, I would love to see you there since I do tend to post there more often these days. Either way, thanks a bunch. I have lived the challenging and sometimes agonizing concept contained in this little ditty. I have handed decades of

I know. Sometimes this seems impossible. I find simplifying it helps a lot. Just obey. We don’t have to feel warm and fuzzy, or oozing with compassion, or in close contact with said person, or even be 100% done with our forgiveness process…we can just obey. Many times, I’ve found that simply by obeying, I’m quickly rewarded with the grace to do with whatever it is God has asked me to do with perks besides. Just do it. PRAYER: Dear Papa, I don’t generally like to bless or pray

This is already a familiar refrain by Psalm 13 . David has wondered before about God's seeming indifference and will again. Over and over. Loudly. Painfully. I can identify! There have been times in my life that I cried out to God relentlessly and He seemed to ignore me. My last blog addresses this very topic in a superficially different light. There are seasons when God's silence seems deliberate, almost punitive. When God seems silent in our pleas for relief or guidance,